The beginning, the love, and navigating differences
It’ll be 20 years next month since we walked out of the Church, my husband holding my hand. Through all, it’s been a journey filled with God’s grace, love, growth, and determination to honor God. For that one person who needs encouragement and those looking for assurance that God’s intent for marriage works, I’ll spend the next four weeks sharing from the pages of our life together and opening a rare window into the most extraordinary human adventure of my life by answering a few of the questions we’ve been asked over the years.
How did you meet, and how did you know he was the one?
We met in the most unlikely place, far from both our homes, about a year after college. We were inseparable friends for a few months before he asked me to walk with him. We were both already Christians and had strong convictions about the hope of a godly home. As young Christians in Nigeria in the mid-90s, you don’t date just for the fun of it; it must be with caution and intent to marry. Plus, we had privileged access to the pioneers of sound marriage teachings—people like Bishop David Oyedepo, Pastor Faith Oyedepo, Pastor Matthew Ashimolowo, and late Pastor Bimbo Odukoya.
There was never a shortage of marriage seminars and conferences to prepare the youth for the most consequential decision of their lives, and we saw that as a blessing from God because it helped with our intentionality from the beginning. That early exposure enabled us to believe it was possible to navigate the challenges all marriages are bound to encounter, without forgetting the foundation on which every Christian home should be built — to honor God.
We started as very good friends toward the end of our time in the Youth Service Church group. We were the most unlikely two because of our different backgrounds. I was raised in Lagos, and he is from a different state, which made him a little more uptight than I was. Being a Christian comes with a lot of fun, and getting him to join the dance group at Church and loosen up a little was amazing; it turned out that all we needed was to love the same God, to love each other.
We faced a few battles along the way, but held on to Isaiah 41:10, which assures us that, "I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” While we will always have so much room for growth, I stand testifying that God has been constant and has kept His promises. His hands never falter, even when we stray, He leads us back home.
I can’t explain how I knew he was the one; I felt an absolute assurance about it that I was willing to swim the ocean with him. His passion for God defines all his actions, and I could not pass up the beauty of that, even for the roars. In addition, the plan he wrote down and shared with me for our home, years before we got married, aligned with my hopes and life's adventures.
Do you still believe in love?
100 percent! I love my husband with all my heart, and the little butterflies that flutter in my chest when he walks through the door always remind me of that. My happiest place in the world is where he is.
It will be challenging to enjoy the journey together without love, because it might turn into mere tolerance and routines, while God’s intent is for us to flourish and enjoy each other. “The righteous will flourish like a palm tree, they will grow like a cedar of Lebanon; planted in the house of the Lord, “They will flourish in the courts of our God.” Psalm 92:12-13
I heard someone once say that you need to have a different best friend from your spouse, and my answer to that is, “Too late, I married mine!” The foundation must, however, be our love for God because it’s only on that on which our love for each other can be preserved.
Because I love God, I love his son, and I see him as God intends for me to see him: human and perfect, not because of who he is but because of who he follows —Jesus. Does he make mistakes? Absolutely, just as I make mistakes. However, Genesis 1:31 says, “God saw all that he had made, and it was very good,’ and that includes my husband.
Love indeed conquers all. Our love for God and each other makes it easy for us to enjoy one another, grow together, stay emotionally young, and empathize with our humanity, so we can keep honoring God while navigating our differences.
Do you like the same things?
Yes and no. We don’t necessarily like the same things; we love each other’s presence. You can’t find one of us in a different room in the house except for the sake of children, personal conversations, work, counselling, or personal time with God. If it’s for fun, we are together. My favorite food is still rice, and his isn't, just like he’d rather watch an action movie, and I'd rather watch Columbo. However, we love being together, and that means we enjoy our experiences watching anything and laughing at his keen focus on the shooting scenes and my muting them.
The theory that we must like the same things to enjoy being together is false. It’s a flip; when you like being together, you’ll like the things you do together. We’ve been intentional about putting high value on our time together, not high value on making time together. The best memories are made at home, making it our favorite place to be. You can leave us in a small space, and it’ll be more fun than sitting in the grandest opera or standing on the whitest beach sand.
If you don’t both love God with matching passion, it’ll be difficult because our mortality outside the confines of the cross makes us susceptible to self and pride. We understand that we are co-writing the chapters of our life together with God, and that honoring Him — even when we disagree — is key to making Jesus the Hero of each chapter. God is the only constant and consistently holds up His end of the bargain, and because we love the same God, He is enough when we are devoted to each other. At the end, our love for God makes our differences become part of a beautiful story.
Youth Service Dance Group
